Well pals, good news: I’m acclimating to Western New York. At least so far, I think I’m adapting to my new clime like a charm.
It’s been crisp lately, lovely, cool, and sometimes a crispy that borders almost on chilly – and I’ve been LOVING it. I’m super in love with fall and all that it entails (more on that later, though). Yesterday I had a doctor’s appointment. I noticed it was gray and rainy, so I threw on jeans and a thin long sleeve tee. I ran to the car, and assumed the warmth I was feeling was running + rain. As I started driving and realized the thermostat declared the outdoor air to be a balmy 67, I started laughing. Legit LOLing, because to me – 67 degrees sounded warm. I also sweat right through that long sleeve shirt and felt like a clammy whore in church.
Today, it’s downright hot. Like, mid-80s, I-feel-like-I’m-melting-and-want-to-die kind of hot. And because of this unseasonal burst of sunshine and sweat, I have a funny Fb status right now. It reads:
“it’s in the 80s today… THE EIGHTIES!
the only thing this heat is doing is bringing false hope to all the Halloween sluts.”
First of all, admit it: that’s funny.
Secondly, I’m really not hating on Halloween sluts. If I’m being honest (and what’s the point of a blog if you’re lying?), I probably toe the line of slutty way more often than not. I love a nice short short, low cut tops are my friend. I’m 29 now, so I gotta make the most out of getting away with it while I can, right? And as far as slutty-Halloween costumes go – I went to college in the South. So you tell me how you think that went. Which brings us to today’s “throwback” story.
The Halloween of 2008 will forever and ever (AND EVER) go down as an infamous Halloween. I was living in Neptune Beach with Sasha and Mike, and well… we were all clinically insane. That year for Halloween I had arranged and planned on a super awesome (and dubiously slutty) “Malibu Barbie” costume. Long blond wig, hot pink bikini (calm down Mattel enthusiasts, I know that original MB wore baby blue), and super high heels. It was gonna be awesome. I was all sexy and tanned and excited.
Then, can you guess what happened?
If you guessed “obscene freak cold front,” you’d win. In Jacksonville, FL the high for Halloween was in the 30s. That’s just basically unheard of. But that is indeed what happened, and it was miserable. (Now, I’m referring to the weather on the party night, so it may not have been the 31st, but it was the Friday or Saturday that was being used as the party night). My plans had been to attend a few specific parties, including one hosted by my pal DeDe that was an indoor/outdoor soiree. So at the last minute I had to adjust my plans and go as something that offered more coverage than a bikini. I know the hardcore amongst you are balking now, but it was blustery, possibly going to rain, and I was a thin-blooded full-time Floridian at that point. And in order to have the gall to wear a bikini as a costume, I wasn’t carrying much meat on my bones at that time.
Whatever did you do, Rose?
I went to Target and bought some winter-y crap from the kids section and went as the weirdest, lamest, and still somehow sluttiest “Alpine Barbie” I could pull off. Behold:
I’m pretty sure it’s one of my least favorite costumes of all time, because it was lame and terrible and poorly executed. But for all those reasons, it also tickles my funny bone immensely. And well, it was a Halloween I won’t forget, right?
Moral of the story: Never ever trust the weather report, and when going super slutty on Halloween, keep in mind a good back up plan. Especially considering a hurricane is barreling its way to the east coast, this is a more important year than ever to make sure to have some kind of inclement weather plan B.
Thanks for reading – XOXO,