30 Days Continues – Day 10: The Last Time I Snooped…

Day 10 — The last time I snooped into something I wasn’t supposed to (like a medicine cabinet in a friend’s bathroom), I found…

a whole lot of trouble for myself. 

Ehh.

Curiosity killed the cat.  If you go dig, you’ll get your hands dirty.

Snooping, huh?  I used to snoop.  I used to have a hard time trusting in serious relationships, and I used to be too curious for my own good.  When I put my mind to it, I can have this detective-like ability to sort through facts, find patterns, figure out out the order of events.  I like to try and predict what will happen next.

nothing gets by me! image from here.

It’s not that I have a good BS-detector, I have a great memory for conversations and details, and I also observe.  A lot.  I can notice when things don’t match up.  When someone changes a detail about a story, when an item is out of place, when something physically seems off.

I’m not so straightforward and cold though.  Not at all.  I actually have a weird mix of perception sensors.  In many many ways, I’m super gullible, naive – I trust too easily.  I like to think that I can read people and then based off the impression I get, I’ll either trust very easily or be looking for BS all the time.  It burns me.  Often!  I’ve been fooled by people in real life and online.  I dated a really serious pathological liar, I dated a really scary psycho guy too – because I was a poor judge of character.

I see the good in everyone, and that often blinds me from the bad. 

the glass is half-full, y'all! always. photo from here.

But, I do have good strong instincts, it’s just a matter of properly applying them.

So.  When was the last time I snooped?  Some people will read this and right away know what I’m talking about.  There was a member of an online community I’m part of who struck me as being “off.”  I noticed some stories didn’t line up, it seemed like the whole projection of this person didn’t really add up to something believable.

"my name is tiffany, i'm 22, blonde, and i love modeling... i just don't post pics because i'm shy." been there, done that! image from this page.

I was “close” with this person, too.  We talked on the phone, we texted.  I felt like we “knew” each other.  So taking a step back to see the reality was very, very hard for me.  Due to some serious commonalities, it was hard to take the wool off my eyes and really consider that maybe this person was lying.

So, I did a little snooping.  I’m not a hacker though, and I don’t live near this person (according to where this person claims to live).  Snooping was hard.  I tried my best.  I dug through some old posts and compared details.  I talked to others who knows this person and got their take on things.

To say it ended badly is a serious understatement.  It was terrible.

This character did not go down without a fight.  I lost other “friends” over it, and things haven’t been the same since.  It was really ugly and hurtful, and I still consider most of what went down to be unfair.

friends were lost, backs were turned. sad face. pic source.

I called a spade a spade, and some people just didn’t want to hear that.

Honestly, I feel like the others being duped weren’t offended at being played and instead many were miffed that I wanted to stir up the peace.  Others thought I was the one full of crap.  Accused of drama-seeking and manipulation, some angry parties, loyal to the other person totally flipped out on me.  I was called a bully (and anyone who knows me for real can tell you that these days, I’m about as far from a bully as people come).

It was tough.  Being called a liar and accused of being shady really got under my skin, I took the fallout really personally.  You see, I’m a super transparent person.  You can spend five seconds checking out my online life and get a pretty full picture of who I am.  I have multiple outlets that all match up – photos, writing style, my real life interactions with others, social media, even third party confirmation of who I am (like being published on various sites, appearances on the news and stuff like that) … just proof of who I am and what I do abounds.

i am whatever i say i am. what you see is what you get!

Not to mention, I’ve gone out and personally met so many members of this specific community – I felt so confused at being so misunderstood.  I thought after years of friendship and how clearly open/public I am about who I am, that people would see my POV much more readily than they did.

Because I’m so open, it’s harder for me to take people seriously who are super “private.”  I know that not everyone wants to spill their guts online… but some privacy is just too much, and it reeks of BS.

When no photo of you exists, and your phone breaks, when you’ve never met anyone else in real life, when you don’t go by your real name or provide any details that can help confirm a real life – it just seems fishy to me.

So anyways.  I snooped, I found what I consider to be evidence of fakery and lying… and it blew up on me.

rose duggan, interwebs detective. this is me looking serious at the compy.

and... kaboom. image from here.

Every time I’ve snooped in the past, it’s ended badly, honestly.

I’ve found stuff that I wish I could un-see.  I’ve discovered things that hurt my feelings.  When I think about people snooping around in my stuff and my life, I don’t really like the idea at all.  I put enough of myself out there, so what I keep private – I would really like to stay private.  I’ve had my identity stolen before, and my home broken into, my online email and social media hacked and used in an anti-Semitic hate crime (hateful photo captions and posts were published on my MySpace and my original Fb accounts, calling me “an ugly fat Jew” and so on) – and having MY STUFF snooped into really really hurt me.  Knowing that my closet and drawers had been rifled through, disturbed me.  Big time.

I found out an ex was online dating, because I snooped on his phone.  That hurt.  I found out about drug use by snooping through someone’s trash can and that was awful (disclaimer – I was coerced into that one, though.  I was a kid).

Bottom line? Snooping sucks.  

I’ve come a LONG WAY as far as self confidence and my own strength goes.  I no longer feel this need to look for for things.  Duggs and I have a really cool policy about email accounts and stuff like that – we’re anti-snooping.  We both have each other’s passwords for everything, but we only use them for legit purposes (like when he was deployed, I could check his email if need be, etc.).  But pleasure reading his inbox? Nope.  Not gonna happen!

For now, I’ll keep my detective skills to predicting the end of TV shows and books.

as always, thanks for reading!! xoxo, hhr

Wondering what this is Day 10 of – and where the idea to write about snooping came from in the first place?

It’s 30 Days of Blogging Honesty:

I’m participating in a fun blogging event.  Tom Baker and Cherlyn Cochrane created the “30 Days of Blogging Honesty” challenge – chock full of 30 writing prompts + one dare at the end!  To read all the rules and prompts, click this link.

Check out the other bloggers playing along:

Participants
Cherlyn Cochrane
Jenn MikoLJMelanieLast Civilized WomanPrincesa MusangPrimadonna Zel,CarolineKoiAurathenaTerriblethinkerSleep and SalamiMarliz3ePrysmatiqueDLonelyStarAnonymousBurnNicoleSylvia GarzaMariana,NenskeiMyNakedBokkieBluefiadiarriesVeehCirraBannatreasuresSajeevHappyhippieroseTheFerkelTom Baker*Sofia*Everything Love & Lust,*TemptingSweets99, Sites with an * contain NSFW material. If erotic or sexual material is offensive to you, please do not visit these three blogs.

7 responses

  1. The internet changes people. Brings out less desirable traits or even exposes things about people that they might not like but can’t completely change or deny. Overall I find limited, controlled exposure to be best. And even then sometimes you experience things you’d otherwise not. The particular group you’re talking of has taught me some interesting things about myself though so there’s that at least. I think that’s something everyone can take away from it.

    • i get what you mean – i also think that what makes things interesting is the ability to only show what you want to show. people are able to filter and edit themselves in a lot of ways.

      i’ve tried to not put so much of myself out there, but ultimately i can’t help it. i’m usually an all or nothing type of person.

      and when it comes to this group – oh man, that’s what makes it all so hard. these ladies have been there for me through the hardest of times and i’ve come to love and know so many of them. it’s become more than just online friendships, many of them are my real life true pals. so that’s why something like this can hurt so much. there were a lot of people i expected to know me better than they seemed to – i was expecting them to give me some credit, to look at things from my POV, to think about who they really know me to be and then think if i’m capable of being the kind of person i was accused of.

      i felt so loved and comfortable in this group, being the source of animosity sucked. i hated being in the center of such discontent, for messing up so many of my friendships, for compromising the warm coziness of my happy place.

      so that made this all the harder, too!

  2. Pingback: Look How We’ve Grown… « Steppin' Off The Pier

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