30 Days of Blogging Honesty – Catch Up: Day 2, Day 3, Day 4

I’m back on my 30 Days of Blogging Honesty kick!

Don’t know what I’m talking about?  Check out Tom Baker’s OP here, rules, prompts and all.   And here are a couple of my contributions so far: my intro, my day one.

I know it’s so cheesy to lump a few together, but I’m determined to get back on track.  I’m still sick, and even though it’s been a bummer of a low-key Easter – I’m bound and determined to get my stuff together.  I’m even making dinner tonight, which is awesome and the first time I’ve cooked in a while.  I’m not getting better in a reasonable time on my own, so I’m just forcing myself to get back into some routine of normal-ish life.

So… here we go:

Day 02 — Not including food, blogging or television, my most guilty pleasure (this includes chocolate)…

celebrity-related crap. 

The funny thing about a guilty pleasure is that you have to feel somewhat guilty for it.  When it comes to candy, ice cream, reality tv, lounging in the bath tub for hours on end, taking breaks to go down to the beach, buying something I don’t really need… etc, etc, etc – I don’t feel guilty!

I love candy and sweets.  I love most things that are deemed bad for one.

So my definition of a “guilty pleasure” is something I like to partake in, even though I’m morally opposed, or I know it’s bad.  When Duggs and I like to paint or work on really messy crafts, we’ll sometimes use paper towels.  Paper towels are so EASY to use, no mess, no laundry, etc.  That’s a guilty pleasure.  It’s one I haven’t seen in our house since before Christmas and I was making a ton of holiday crafts with all kinds of paints.

Celebrity crap, like reading trashy celeb gossip blogs or buying tabloids… that’s a real guilty pleasure.  I love it, even though I hate it.  I think that the way paparazzi flocks to celebs is wrong, I think the decimation of any personal life is unfair.  I know that being a public figure has its trade-offs – but it shouldn’t be the way it is now.  We treat our celebs simultaneously like gods and like dirt.  I hate it.  I think it’s wrong.  I don’t want to support the careers of rabid paparazzi photogs who stalk celebs, I don’t want to support celebs who pull crazy crap just to drum up publicity… and yet, I read the Us Weeklies of the world, I watch the crazy TV shows that offer us lame regular folk exclusive glimpses into the fancy lives of the most illustrious of famous folk.

us weekly, probs my fave of the trashy glossies. photo source, here.

So that’s a real guilty pleasure.

Moving on!

Day 03 — Regardless of my current status, do I believe a person should save themself for marriage…

I know it might make me the mayor of rip off city to not really get into the nitty gritty of this one.  I know that controversy and craziness is part of the fun of this here 30 Day Challenge… it’s why we promise to be totally honest in our replies.

My answer to this: no, I don’t believe a person should have to remain a virgin until marriage.

It’s tough for me to come out and say that because I know a lot of my readers are strong Christians and uphold a certain caliber of moral tenacity.  I know that this answer might be disappointing, that purity is something very important to many of the Christians I know and respect – and there are plenty of save-it-until-marriage advocates I know that aren’t Christians at all.  For those who make the pro purity choice, I admire and respect their willingness to do so.

For me, though – I have a different take.  I think that consenting adults experience a relationship on a wide spectrum.  And I think that having sex is just part of this spectrum, it’s one of the pieces that goes into a healthy adult relationship.

I’m not sure how I’ll advise my future kids on this… I’m not sure how I’d talk to a teen who asked me about this.  I think it really depends on the place I’m coming from.  If I’m teaching Sunday School or working with a youth group as an official part of a church, then I think it’s important to echo the church’s beliefs and not speak out on my own.

But I also recognize teen pregnancy issues, young people with STDs… I see these realities and I feel like trying to teach abstinence just isn’t always effective.  I think safe sex education is really important, and I think that setting the stage for kids to feel comfortable asking the tough questions is how you can make a huge impact.   If a teen is okay asking me about sex, I have a real chance to offer practical advice about protection without being shut out or viewed as condemning, judging, condescending.

And when it comes to consenting pre-marital adults: I feel strongly that sound adults should be able to do whatever it is they’d like to do.  Without my judgement, attitude, or forced ideals.  Besides, my ideals – the ones that are actually mine – are okay with consenting adults doing what they’d like to do.

So.  I know this may not be popular.  I know that some readers might really be annoyed with me or let down… but I stand by my choice, and I think that my opinions don’t take away from my love for God, my willingness to be a good person and a good Christian.  I think it’s just a choice, one founded in reality and based on my own experiences.

It’s totally an individual choice, though.

If someone who is a devout Christian, or is practicing any kind of faith/lifestyle that didn’t encourage or allow pre-marital sex, I’d encourage them to keep in line with their existing ideals and to not do it.  But, I’m not going to judge someone for having sex.  It’s not my place to do so, it’s my place to love others and to try my hardest to be accepting, understanding, kind.  And, I’m not going to try to back pedal on my past behaviors or to condemn others now, while I’m already married, for a behavior type I didn’t myself uphold before I was married.

(Ugh, now all my family members reading this are totally cringing, right?  TMI? Oy.  This is a tough one!)

Of course I recognize that some physical relationships can be too much, too soon and can really hurt people in the long run.  But when approaching the issue in such a wide sense, I have to be honest here.  Specific cases will differ, some people are more or less mature than others.  Sometimes sex is used as a pawn or for the wrong reasons.  But many times sex is healthy and normal and it’s what grown ups do.

I guess I got into this way more than I wanted to, but there you have it.  If you respectfully disagree, I understand.  Just try to not go too harsh on me, though!

Day 04 — A blogger friend I’ve known for over five years told me she has been blogging anonymously all this time and most of what I know about her is her fantasy. My reaction to the news is…

totally annoyed, miffed, perplexed, and ANNOYED. 

If you want to write a fictional blog, why not just disclose that it’s fictional from the jump?

I can’t stand the whole lying online thing.  Even if you think it’s harmless and in good fun – it’s not.  Because when you portray yourself as a real person, that’s how many readers will think of you.  Readers will relate, glean advice, comfort, understanding… readers will come to get all kinds of things out of your blog – and if you were just lying or being fake, you’ve totally let them down.

I understand that people like to use the anonymity of the interwebs to engage in fictional lives, or to embellish their real ones – but why not just say that? Probably because no one would read a fictional blog, ha.

But, most of my reason here is based off the “friend” aspect of this one.  I would be so mad if someone I considered a friend was a faker.  It’s happened to me before, actually, on Internet forums… and it sucks.  It’s awful.  A girl I trusted to be a real person faked having cancer.  I’d give her advice and comfort, I was “there for her” while she was going through this supposedly awful experience… and then it turned out she was full of it the whole time!

Not the same as blogging, I know.  But still, an experience of Internet lying and fakery.  It happens too often on forums.  And even though we all know it can and does happen, it still stinks when it does.

When I think about other blogs that I read, ones where I’m not really close or friendly with the writer – well, then I don’t care so much.  I’m pretty sure Texts From Bennet is fake, but I don’t care at all.  It’s so funny.

So there ya go.

I’m actually a little nervous to hit post on this one.  But I’m being as honest as I can be… and we’ll just have to see how it goes.  If anything, this exercise is challenging me to get outside the box of what I’d normally post about, for sure.

And hopefully as the days go on, I’ll be better about sticking to the schedule.  I’m actually going to work on some more posts and queue them up so I have some consistency going on.

As always, thanks for reading!!  xoxo, hhr


15 responses

  1. This post is quite interesting. I’ve tried to stop reading celebrity gossip since I realised that it was encouraging me to violate the golden rule of doing unto others as I would do unto myself. I wouldn’t want others to read gossip about me and think badly of me, so I don’t want to do this to others.

    I’m wondering, given your belief about premarital sex, which seems to go against a literal biblical interpretation, what is your opinion on the bible? Do you view it was God’s word, as a collection or stories, as a metaphor, what?

    I agree that people should be honest, in life as well as online. I’d feel like I had wasted time comforting someone regarding problems that turned out to be false.

    • sorry i’m just now replying to you… a bunch of comments went into my spam folder on accident. boo!

      okay, so there’s no way to get into my beliefs on the Bible without saying a lot! the short answer = the Bible is totally God’s word, but it’s also from a different era and based on cultural norms and technological limits that no longer apply to who we are today. More often than not, it’s the spirit of the law is more important than the letter of the law

      i love the Bible. i know it to be God’s word. i respect the historical implications as well – it’s a record of how life was thousands of years ago. i have to admit that there’s interpretation issues – the versions of the bible that i read aren’t in the original language, and tons of editing and translating has gone on. the vatican has omitted certain books altogether, etc. Jesus loved to teach using parables. i’m not saying that i think the whole book is a metaphor or a collection of stories – but i think that God has given us sense, rationale, thinking, and intelligence for many reasons and we need to apply our abilities and be discerning when presented with anything.

      that may sound convoluted – i’ll try and boil it down: the historical context of the original text must be considered. i truly believe that the existing technology and cultural norms of Jesus’ day held great influence on the Bible. keeping kosher, for example, was created out of a cultural norm. i read in “the year of living biblically” by a.j. jacobs that jews were not to eat pork as a way of differentiating themselves culturally from other neighboring cultures. the philistines we’re well known pork-lovers. someone traveling through a village where people didn’t eat pig products would be able to instantly know that they were in jewish territory. using basic cultural identifiers like dress and food were simple ways of unifying an identity. lots of people believe that kosher laws were created for sanitation reasons, to help prevent food-borne illness in a time before refrigeration and preservatives – this concept is pretty much speculation though.

      in 2012 we have lots of ways to identify ourselves. using food laws to create cultural barriers seems archaic to me. it seems unnecessary. i totally understand that being obedient pleases God and some things we should just do “because He says so.”

      yet, He gave us common sense. He’s had His hand in all of our advancements and societal changes.

      ultimately, i believe in the spirit of the Bible and not a literal, legalistic interpretation. at least for me. i don’t believe that life is black and white, God has equipped us with means of navigating the gray area. His Word, Jesus’ example, the Holy Spirit, prayer, grace, forgiveness, the church, fellowship, communion – there are so many factors at play to help us be our best.

      using the Bible as a resource, for guidance, for connection to God, to understand who we are and what’s expected of us = awesome, great, wonderful uses. i love using the Bible to uplift and comfort.

      i think that sometimes people cling too fervently to strict/narrow interpretations of certain parts of the Bible to carry out their own agendas. the most common example is levitical law and using it to support homophobic behavior. first of all, in the new covenant of the messiah – the old testament laws are defunct anyways. secondly, so many people who rally behind the two parts of leviticus (18:21 and 20:13) that warn against same-sex relations to justify anti-gay ideals seem to toss out the rest of the laws. they don’t follow all of the not touching women rules, the menstruation stuff – wearing clothes of mixed fibers! i’ve known way too many christians who hide behind anti-gay levitical law while wearing cotton-poly blends.

      i believe that this kind of picking and choosing is not the intention of the Bible.

      our God is magnificent, loving, powerful, everywhere. understanding Him, defining Him, measuring Him – it’s impossible. He’s so big. the Bible is meant to help us wrap our heads around it, to answer questions, to give us a guideline on how to be good people, what God expects of us, where we come from.

      i do not believe that our’s is a God of loopholes. legalistic nitpicking isn’t the life God wants for us… our energy is much better spent doing good works, helping others, having fun. at least that’s how i see it!

    • so, after saying ALL of that… the pre-marital sex thing. whew.

      to my knowledge, the Bible doesn’t go into tons of detail on the specifics of sexual no-nos. i know that “fornication” is mentioned some two dozen times and is always described as a bad idea (a sin). but what is fornication?

      i believe that marriage is a gift, it’s a sacred treasure. i feel the same way about sex. it feels good for a reason, the result is babies for a reason – we’re supposed to like it, we’re supposed to do it.

      i don’t think that God wants us to make a mockery of either sex or marriage. i think that His intentions for us (as laid out in the Bible) are to respect our bodies, our selves, and recognize the specialness of marriage and sex. i don’t know if this necessarily means that ALL sex outside of marriage is bad. i think this falls under one of those gray areas that requires our best judgement. i think that sex between two consenting adults, who are respectful of each other and are having sex for a good reason (pleasure, enjoyment, an expression of love, to achieve intimacy) is fine. i don’t think it’s a terrible sin.

      now. i know that the Bible says all sins are equal. and whether you commit one tiny sin or a thousand big ones – you’re still a sinner. even though i KNOW this is what God tells us about how it works… i can’t help but apply my own sense of scale and think that some things ARE worse than others. i know i’m making up my own interpretation here, and that’s probably really bad too, but i just can’t help it. i think that two grown-ups having sex without being married is of way less urgency than people who are lying, stealing, harming others – abusers, bullies, terrorists, etc.

      and i don’t think asking the world to abstain from sex outside of marriage is feasible.

      first of all, not everyone can get married! there are sex/gender laws on marriage in many places (sadly, most of the US).

      this world needs more love. love is good. i’d rather direct energy towards fixing problems of people being hateful and harmful. let the love happen! and since i think that it’s going to keep happening anyways (people are going to have sex before they get hitched) that it’s a good idea to teach safe sex and promote sexual rights and education.

  2. Rose, i am sorry to hear that you are still under the weather. What is the etymology of that phrase? We are all under and in the weather. Sorry, I digress. For the blogging friend, I understand you perfectly. And it might depend on the level of friendship to determine the level of anger.

    I did not think a lot of people would think waiting was for them and for your celebrity answer. That is also a big one for me. If it stays with the E! channel or Entertainment tonight shows that I don’t watch, I think it’s fine. When it hits mainstream news… it ain’t news.

    • hahahaha, it’s not news! you’re so right. i hate the aspect of just exploiting the lives of celebs for other agendas. i know that celebs need publicity and that by staying in the headlines, they keep their names in our households – but it just seems like they’re under such an intense microscope that they can’t so much as sneeze or have one toe out of line without a maelstrom of reporters at the ready.

      the sex thing is an iffy topic for me to write about. my beliefs differ from mainstream christianity and it makes me leery to write about it. i don’t want to offend or marginalize my readers of faith – but i don’t want to lie either. so, it was tough for me to be so open about it. but, it is what it is. i have my thoughts on the matter, and since i agreed to be honest, i decided to divulge!

      finally – “under the weather” – according to this idiom site (http://www.idiomsite.com/undertheweather.htm) it’s an old sailor phrase. it meant that if one was below deck, one was away from the bad weather – thus, under the weather. but that would actually imply a state of not feeling like crap. being “under the weather” would be protecting you from exposure, etc. but somehow it transformed to mean that you’re not feeling well. but the site goes on to say that if you were sick, you’d want to go below deck so you wouldn’t puke. thus, “under the weather” was for sick people. in all of my waterman experience though, being out in the fresh air is the BEST place to be when you don’t feel well. i’ve never personally been sea-sick though, so idk. maybe going inside is nicer?

      anyways, i LOVE looking up the origins of idiomatic expressions! and it’s such a writing pet peeve of mine when people don’t properly use little expressions. so, good question tom!

  3. I do not watch normal news too depressing, I indulge in E News…very entertaining. I really like the way Giuiliana reports…bad habits,eh?

    P.S Wish you a quick recovery 🙂

    • thanks so much for the well wishes and for stopping by!

      i feel for guiliana as a fellow cancer survivor, but i don’t really dig her as a tv personality/reporter. i’m so torn on tv news. it IS so depressing, it’s awful. when my husband was deployed i wouldn’t watch the news at all, it was way too much of a bummer. but i love staying informed, so i like the news in general… just not sensationalizing terrible stories and scaring people.

      • Wow, I didn’t know you are a cancer survivor. That is so awesome and from your pictures I see you are a very outdoor person. You have a very determined spirit. I feel for guiliana because of her baby troubles, her fight with cancer. She tries so hard…guess that’s why I root for her. Everytime I watch news by mistake I feel so bad. Where is it that only bad news makes news anyway?

  4. My feelings on sex before marriage are pretty similar to yours. Sex is part of a loving relationship. I think when you are in a committed long term relationship it comes into play. Now again, I don’t judge. Want to wait until marriage? Good for you. Want to have one-night stands? Please be safe!
    Also I totally agree with educating teenagers, if I hear one more person talk about how talking to teenagers about sex is going to make them go do it… *INSERT GIANT EYE ROLL HERE*

  5. Pingback: 30 Days of Blogging Honesty – Day 7 | happyhippierose

  6. Pingback: 30 Days of Blogging Honesty – Day Eight | happyhippierose

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