add it to the list: i have ovarian cysts

No seriously, I have ANOTHER malady:

Add it to Your List, I have Ovarian Cysts

Not only is the title of this blog post catchy because of it’s rhyme, it’s very true and the latest of my many, many diagnoses.

….

When I was little I was really enchanted by the whole survival-of-the-fittest ideology.  I liked that tough and resolute people, plants, and animals, that were better or tougher, would stick it out over time, their badass genes passing on and on.

Now that I’m a chronic sickie I get really sad and think that I’m just supposed to get washed out of the life cycle.  I’m not tough enough to withstand.  I mean, seriously… I know I’m smart and cool, and I used to be somewhat athletic – so those are good genes.  But my health!?!?  Come on.

Childbearing is one of my biggest dreams; when I get sick, I take pause and wonder if I really should procreate.

Man, that’s too much of a bummer to dwell on for now.  Only time will tell, and God’s way will happen… so I’m not going to sweat it at this moment.  It’s just one of those thoughts that pops up sometimes, and I can’t really ignore it, but I have no proper way to answer it.  Yet.

….

Anyways, without further depressing discussion, I’ll inform all of you lovely readers:

I have ovarian cysts.

Warning: the following WILL discuss women’s health and all the pretty particulars. 

Friday, December 2nd, I ended up in the ER. As soon as I woke up that day, I knew something was amiss.  I was bleeding, and it had only been a week since my period ended.  I usually have a blessedly short period, and my end-of-November period situation lasted triple the time it normally does.  Weird, right?

But weird things happen to me all the time. So I blew it off.

(also, I kinda want to re-phrase that part about my end-of-november period to read “the situation” instead of just using the word “situation” in case “mike, the situation,” happens to be googling himself … ya know, so i can make him read about periods and female reproductive organs instead of spray tans and bottle service.  but this little interlude has done the job just fine.  can you tell i have adhd?).

Only a week after my super long period, I start bleeding and I get this really bad weird cramping.  Dreadful, burning cramping, all on the right side.  Yikes.  This would likely be a red flag for most people (haha, pun intended!)… but yeah, I’m accustomed to weird, to pain, to maladies.

Also, let’s not forget I have had a bowel resection and my anastomosis is down in my right lower quadrant, as well as an inguinal hernia repair, and I had an appendectomy.  r]Resultant of all three prior surgeries, I had to get a fourth surgery to burn out some scar tissue.  So that place is a literal mess.  When things hurt there, it’s so hard to differentiate a possible cause.  Those hernia repairs never really get you back to 100%, and mine is sore and strange pretty often.  In general, having had four surgeries in the same area is intense, that’s a lot of collective cutting and sewing, over and over again.

So.  It was hurty and I was bleeding.  I go to the ER.  They assume it’s porphyria causing me to have irregular bleeding and send me home.  Awesome.

me at the ER, awesome duggs in the background

they hooked it up with the cute sticker

the tripler ER has the same tile and rubber floor boards as our house does. no wonder our home feels so industrial!

is this my kitchen? or the ER? hard to tell, so similar! (bonus questions... who has more meds, the ER or my kitchen?)

(Rather eager to get out of the hospital instead of being admitted, I did tend to agree with the physician super quick.  He was on the fence, and consulted with a whole mess of others docs before he reluctantly signed me out.  So yeah, I had my motives to sleep in my own bed too, ya know!)

One home, the cramps get worse, the pain moves to my side: flank pain.  The clots get bigger.  I keep bleeding.

I finally got in to my primary care doc on Wednesday.  She ordered an ultrasound, which happened the following Friday (I should do a whole separate rant on the terrible, terrible treatment I received at the u/s appointment, but I’m trying to stay on task.  Let’s just say it was FOUL).    My PCM was assuming and speculating it was an ovarian cyst, and for the record, Viper also correctly diagnosed this from the jump.

Today, I got the official results and sure as rain, I have some cysts rolling around in there.  Little marbles of fun, just waiting to pop at any time and totally mess up my schedule!   I have marbles in my baby maker <– i like the sound of that one the best, we’ll go with that from now on.

I have marbles in my baby maker. 

As of now, there is no follow-up recommended, they’re just going to wait and see what happens.  Hopefully my body absorbs them and they just go away.

In regards to Friday a week ago, the theories are that:

  • a)  I actually had a bigger cyst in there as well that ruptured,
  • b)  one or both of these cysts leaked, or
  • c)  the cysts caused some irritation which led to the irregular bleeding.

So there we have it.

Having an answer >>>>>> guesswork + assuming I’m off my rocker.

And just for this blog, I Google Image searched for some lovely ovarian cyst illustrations, and I am more than pleased with the results:

she is such a babe... but really? this is to help illustrate the concept of ovarian cysts? okay. for what it's worth, i did actually bend over like this. it was no joke. but i did not wear a sexy outfit at the time. it didn't occur to me. maybe next time?

this one is much more reasonable. i like her.

and finally, an image that actually explains something

Okay.  So I’m okay, and things have calmed down a great deal.  I think whatever happened ten days ago has gotten better.  We’ll see if anything happens in the future, and I’m just so praying it does not!

Since I previously mentioned the ER trip in another post, and I always ramble and ramble about my health, I figured I’d go ahead and explain THE SITUATION.

hahahahahahahahahahaha!  Take that, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from MTV’s  hit reality show Jersey Shore.

And I’m done.

as always, thanks for reading!!  xoxo, hhr

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3 responses

  1. Ouch ouch ouch! I’ll say I’m so incredibly sorry & then move on cuz I’m sure you’re used to hearing that, poor girl!! All I can say, is I will add you to my prayer list!!
    Funny about the tile in Tripler! 😀 Ahhh I actually kinda miss that place. BUT I haven’t been there as many times as you have :(( Man, don’t feel bummed that “you don’t have butt kicking genes”, you ARE incredibly strong having gone through ALL You have. I know it feels like alot…I can’t even imagine…but know that God is growing you. He is tempering you like steel. Check this out…

    TEMPERING PROCESS

    “The best steel is subjected to the alternatives of extreme heat and extreme cold. In a cutlery you will notice the knife-blades are heated and beaten, and then heated again and plunged into the coldest water, in order to give them the right shape and temper. You will also observe a large heap of rejected blades, rejected because they would not bear the tempering process; when put upon the grindstone little flaws appeared in some that up to that point had seemed perfect; others would not bear the tempering process.

    Souls are heated in the furnace of affliction, plunged into the cold waters of tribulation, and ground between the upper and nether stones of adversity and disaster. Some come out ready for the highest services; others are unfit for any but the lowest uses. Would you be accounted among the forces which are working out the salvation of the world? Be still in the Hands of God until He tempers you.

    “Stop now!” says the Knife-blade to the cutler. I have been in the fire often enough! Would you burn the life out of me?”

    But again it goes into the glowing furnace and is heated to white heat.

    “Stop hammering! I have been pounded enough already”.

    But down comes the sledge.

    “Keep me out of this cold water! One moment in the fiery furnace, and the next in ice water. It is enough to kill one!”

    But in it goes.

    “Keep me off the grindstone! You’ll chafe the life out of me!”

    But it is made to kiss the stone until the Cutler is satisfied.

    Now see! You may bend it double; yet it springs back straight as an arrow. It is as bright as polished silver, hard as a diamond, and will cut like a Damascus blade. It has been shaped, tempered and polished; it is worth something.

    Be still, and let God temper and polish you, and you will be worth something, too. Allow yourself to be prepared for usefulness. (Charles E Cowman Mrs ~Springs in the Valley, June 24)

  2. Okay this has to be the funniest thing I’ve ever read about ovarian cysts. Better ask Santa for lots of sexy lingerie, just in case. 😉 I am so sorry you went through that pain but I’m glad it seems to be subsiding a bit. Here is hoping the cysts get absorbed. Did they mention meds or hormones?

    • hahahahaha, thank you!!! because of the blood disease i have, porphyria, there’s a list of hundreds of meds i cannot take – and hormones are a no-go. i can’t take any form of birth control. so that’s a huge bummer, i know that’s what helps most women with cysts!

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