nerves and negativity

Well, I don’t really have a happy or fun update to post about.  In fact, I’m kind of in a funk – which isn’t very like me at all.  I’m a text book optimist, and I usually can always put a smiley spin on any situation.

But lately I’ve been a little glum.  When it comes to my health, that is.  My nerve damage facial pain issue in particular.

Nerves and Negativity 

(Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy as a clam when it comes to my life in general, and I’m grateful and I work hard to be cognizant of the many many blessings in my world….)  But, my face isn’t getting any better.  This pain isn’t getting relieved.  And the new procedures we’ve been trying don’t seem to be helping, and I’m beyond tired of the meds, and I’m just losing my positive mojo.

I know that losing my positive mojo is super bad.  So I’m trying my hardest to pull out of this morale dip and keep my eyes on the prize.  When it comes to non-health related life, I have no complaints.  When it comes to this bizarro facial/ear/head pain caused by some whacked-out nerve damage that was caused by a flare up of my super rare genetic blood disease… I just feel a little on the frustrated side.  I feel like a solution to my problem is becoming more and more of a dream and less of a reality.

We tried a different nerve block on Monday.  An Occipital Nerve Block.  It hurt less than the Stellate Ganglion Block.  But it’s left me really fatigued and zapped… and worst of all: I don’t think it worked.

looks cozy, doesn't it?

there's my c-spine... and that blotch is meds getting squirted into there. i think that's what it is, anyways.

I was super nervous and bracing myself for a painful morning, so I took a Valium and I ended up a little on the plowed side, and I had a hard time dealing with the whole “on a scale of a one to ten, how bad is your pain.”  I didn’t care, I was loopy!

weeeeee! valium!!!!

But there wasn’t an obvious, huge, relief.  There wasn’t a stunning experience of the pain being lifted.

get me out of here

car ride home with my sweet neck band-aid

On the other hand, it didn’t make things worse.  Which I appreciate and am happy about.

But I was just really really REALLY wanting this to work.  Like really really. I’m so tired of my face and ear hurting.  Chronic pain is exhausting.  I feel like I’m such a trooper and I’m such a nice, brave girl who takes my lumps like a champ.  But even I have a threshold and we’re quickly approaching it.

My Church does a special Healing Service on Thursday nights. I’m going to attend this week.  I’m trying to turn my attitude around by embracing my God-given blessings, by re-focusing on gratitude (I try to be grateful always, but I’m really funneling my energy into a thankful cyclone of happy thoughts).  I’m praying.  I’m doing arts and crafts.  Drawing, coloring, glitter glueing it up.  I’m reaching out to my family for their love and well-wishes (I’m really homesick too).  I’m giving to others and using the energy I do have on some charitable projects (Operation Christmas Child being one!).  I’m spending quality time with my hubs.

arts and crafts for a good cause

the sweet pooch cheers me up!

and of course wonderful duggs cheers me up

I’m doing what I can to literally, manually re-set my emotional outlook.  Even just writing out this blog has me rolling back my shoulders and sticking my chin up a little.  I know that I can pull myself out of any funk… sometimes it just takes a little work.

So for those of you who pray, and can spare a prayer, let me get one? Pray that something works and I am rid of this dreadful pain.  For those of you who don’t pray, can you do what you do, please?  Cross your fingers or think a happy thought maybe? I need all the collective positive energy I can get.

And hopefully very soon I’ll write a chipper cheerful post informing the interwebs that I have turned my frown upside down.  Hopefully, very very very soon.

Thanks and love to you all! xoxo- happyhippierose

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3 responses

  1. The hardest part of any treatment is the hope that it might be the procedure that makes the difference… and it’s hard to avoid that optimism (especially when you’re an optimist). It feels like a huge letdown when it’s not the answer. Hang in there girl–I know you’re tough. ❤

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